Internet Dating for Beginners - Which site should I try?

Internet dating is big business these days. Not so long ago the term ‘dating agency’ conjured up ideas of lonely 40 somethings looking for love after all else had failed. With the invent of the internet though the concept of being matched up with other singles has changed the way we date. There will always be a small contingent who see it with some kind of stigma attached, but most of my contemporaries have tried it and are open about discussing it. Some who are against it claim it is dangerous, for it allows you to build up a virtual connection with someone who may not be what they say. However, I would argue that this is no different to meeting someone in a pub that you don’t know.

There will always be a point where you have to start conversing with someone whom you know nothing about and that who could potentially be dangerous. The environment of a pub or party is not safer than meeting someone for the first time in a coffee shop or at the cinema. In both scenarios the individual has to be responsible for their own decisions and ensure they are not put in a vunerable position. Indeed all the dating sites – if you actually read the guidelines, will say don’t meet someone at their house, preferably meet up in a public place and don’t feel pressured into seeing them more often if they are not what you expect. Keep your address and telephone number private until you are thoroughly satisfied you want to see more of them. Meet in public and if you don’t like the look of them at least the only way they have of contacting you again is via the safety of the site.

As it happens I didn’t meet my partner through internet dating, but before him I did use various different sites for several years and meeting some interesting people I’d never have met otherwise. This hub is based on my own experiences with the sites I used, but of course there are many people with many stories to tell, so its up to you to take from it what you will.

Before you start signing up to sites and writing with profiles I recommend reading a a few hubs like 'How to spot a fake' and 'Tips for Internet Dating'. They will help you get going on the right basis and save you some potential heartache!

It is true to say that each different site offers different types of people and if you haven’t used the service before it can be worth thinking about what type of person and relationship you’re after. It is also worth looking at how much you want to invest in this ‘true love’ opportunity, as the charges vary and can be an expensive hobby if you let it get out of hand.

If you really can’t afford to pay for this then there are free services about. 'Plenty of Fish'Is a notable one and you will certainly meet lots of people. This was the only free site I tried. However, one of the problems with it being free is that you will also find alot of people on their without any serious intent of finding love. You get people who just seem to be browsing and a lot more time wasters than the pay per month sites. I met someone one who said they weren’t willing to pay to meet someone, which to me probably meant they wouldn’t be spending much to woo their lady either! Not that I need money spending on me, but it didn’t seem to bode well for the future. Having someone with the means but not the will to spend it is far worse than having someone poor who would love to lavish you with gifts if he were able! Also with the free ones you get people signing up for other reasons. A couple of my friends I know have signed up just to see if there was anyone on there that they knew!

So, try the free sites if you have to or are just wanting to browse yourself, but don’t get too downhearted if you get a lot of mail from people who clearly haven’t read your profile. There are very many souls out there who message all and sundry and just to see which people respond to them. Sadly that is something you may find on all of them. Having people interested in you is a huge ego boost, but watch the types of message they send and don’t be pulled into getting too involved too quickly.

Next up are the big sites like match.com. These tend to be a bit more of a balance. You have to pay a fee, so everyone on there has made a conscious decision to give it a go and is will to have some outlay in their quest. The same dangers apply as above. The spammers who probably haven’t read your profile and the obligatory weird one who thinks they are Gods gift for no obvious reasons. These are good for meeting a broad range of types. If, however, you have a type in mind or are looking for particular characteristics then there are specialist sites.

In my quest I have ventured into these with varied results. I am a vegetarian and so I did look at veggieconnection.com. This and sites equally specialised are great if you have things in life you are passionate about and perhaps can't compromise on. I got a few dates out of this and met some weird and wonderful people. I found I got less spam mail from this site, presumably because the only people signed up to it were looking for a specific type so would be more likely to read profiles. I guess this might be the same for many specialist sites, though only useful if you have a reason to be on there yourself.

I also tried millionaire dating sugardaddie.com. I'm not sure why, as most of the wealthy men I know are rather self involved, but I thought while I was on the quest it couldn't be any worse than the others. While its true to say that many of the girls on their were of the high maintenance variety I did meet a few chaps who were looking for more than a pretty face to stroll down the street with. There were a number for executive women looking for men of equal income, so wasn’t as synthetic as I had initially assumed it would be.

Of the dates that resulted I found that I did spend a lot of time smiling and nodding as men told me at length how they became so fabulously successful. It wasn't for me.... Having said that I gave in about a year after my first foray into the site to see if I had been to harsh in my opinion and I did see an awful lot of the same faces creeping up. Either these chaps were incredibly fussy, unlucky in love or just had a quick turn around of ladies in their life. Sadly I suspect the latter.

It was the most expensive site I used, and the quality of men were no better for all their ability to throw extravagant first dates. Having said all that, I did meet someone through there who I'd have never met in everyday life and he motivated me to change certain elements of my life for the better. Although we are no longer in touch, he remains one of the most interesting people I have ever met and can say I am happier today for knowing him back then. Of the rest, the one thing I noticed about all of their profiles is that they were looking for someone who wasn’t just interested in them for their money, yet all of them used it as a means to impress and buy favour.

The last site I used was forces penpals. This is for military girls and boys to meet both civilian and military dates. Whilst it is called penpals and indeed you can set if to only search people looking for non romantic connections, the vast majority is relationship based. Naturally with this you have to be open to the idea that you could potentially meet someone on active service, who may not be around 12 months of the year. There are inherent dangers in this – emotionally speaking. You meet someone online while they are based abroad, converse with them for several months and when you finally get that first date they turn out completely different to the image you’ve built up in your head. This happened to me and it did make me appreciate how important early first dates are. As it turned out all that correspondence wasn't wasted as we are still in touch and remain friends. The problem we had was that it is easy to feel closer to someone quicker through writing and talking. Whilst it didn't happen in this case, I have also found that distance in the early stages might lead your new found love to expect you to share intimacies sooner; all based on the fact that you’ve spoken to them every day for a month, while forgetting this is someone you have never even had coffee with! Ofcourse some girls are ok with this, but it is nothing to feel bad about if you want to have a couple of dates with them in real life before going down that route! There are a lot of girls who are already half naked in their profile shots, so don’t be surprised if boys can’t understand what you’re being shy about.

The fact is, if they are interested in relationships and not someone to provide entertainment while they’re at home then you’ll soon find out. The good ones will ask you about yourself, bond over common interests and will not prompt you to send photos or even videos that you may not be comfortable with. That sounds like they’re all after one thing, which is unfair. But you will need to keep an eye out for the time-wasters. The forces site is the one I used for longest and had the most success with. For nine months I had the privilege of dating a real life hero and although it didn’t work out I don’t regret it one bit. Everyone you spend time with you learn from and the one thing I have found by using so many different sites is that I've had dinner with people I can hardly believe possible and from all walks of life.  

Whichever site you try then I wish you luck. On all of them there are browsers, married men looking for excitement and weirdoes whose chat up lines will ensure they’ll never find love; but there are also hundreds of men looking for the same thing you are. Men you’d stand little chance of bumping into at random and ones putting their faith into a new way of dating the same as you. Follow the guidelines, use some common sense for your own safety and you’ll find a lot of new doors open before you!